Smite Randomness!
by Dragoguage
Summary: Random experiences in the game from Bellona being good to Hou Yi tying the knot with Chang'e. Note it will include new gods as they're released. Just don't expect them to show up the day of.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 Er vs Sun

Summary: ErLang Shen comes to Smite & Sun Wukong wants to settle the score.

Sun Wukong: The author finally decides to put-

Kukulkhan: Just say the disclaimer before the author pulls a fast one.

Sun Wukong: The author doesn't own anything from Smite. We're property of Hi-Rez studios.

It was a surprisingly cloudy day in Siege. After the sun was shining so brightly the day before, Chaac had decided to make it cloudy. Help cool off the place. Anyways Chaac, Xbalanque & Kukulkhan were playing Jenga yet again. "Ok, this time, no one say anything got it?" Chaac asked. Kukulkhan & Xbalanque nodded. Chaac carefully removed the lowest block. Then a barking sound was heard. "Kaldr again?" Xbalanque groaned. Then a small black dog ran into view but it stopped in front of the tower. "Good doggy, go over there please?" Chaac asked. "Tien! Tien!" shouted a voice. "Tien?" Kukulkhan asked. "Over here Er!" the dog said. "Er?" Xbalanque asked. "Oh, ErLang Shen. He's the new warrior. Over here Er!" Chaac shouted. Er followed his voice & made his way to the 3 gods. "Tien, I told you not to run off like that. My apologies," Er Lang said. "No worries, this is Xbalanque, Kukulkahn-" "Tien! The dragon has returned!" Er said. Tien took an offensive stance. "No, no, no, no. Kuku here isn't vicious." Xbalanque said. "Yeah, I'm actually quite nice." Kukulkhan said. "Hmm, Tien, down. I'm sorry for my assumption. I'm used to fighting dragons, well evil ones anyways. I'm ErLang Shen, the new god." ErLang said. "I'm Chaac, if you don't mind, stay there for a moment." Chaac said. "Huh?" ErLang asked. Finally, Chaac beat Nemesis's height in Jenga. "Yes! I beat her height!" Chaac said happily. "You play Jenga too?" Er Lang asked. "Yeah, it's a hobby." Kukulkhan said. "I play it & I have the tallest height." ErLang said. "Sure ya do." Xbalanque said. ErLang rolled his eyes. He reset the blocks & began to play. The tower grew & grew & grew in height. ErLang soon surpassed Chaac's height. The tower was now taller than Chaac. "There, that's my record." ErLang said. Chaac's jaw dropped. "Show off," Xbalanque said. "There goes your record." Kukulkhan remarked. "Well now that that's settled, I need to ask you 3 something. I'm looking for something called Joust Map. I heard that Nemesis-" "Nemesis? She's somewhere in Conquest map." Chaac said. "Why do you need to find her?" Kukulkhan asked. "Well I heard that she's the goddess of revenge." ErLang said. "Yeah but her brother is Death & her mother is night." Xbalanque said. "Yes but I need her help. I need her to help me 'bury the cudgle' with Wukong." ErLang said. "Oh, well that's easy." Xbalanque said. "I can guide you to her." Kukulkhan said. "Thanks but no thanks. My dog Tien can find her via her scent." ErLang said. "Uh you don't want to smell that. Trust me," Xbalanque said. "What's wrong?" ErLang asked. "She smells like her brother, Thanatos aka Death. Only Kuku here can track her without fainting from the stench." Chaac said. "Oh, well lead the way Kuku." ErLang said. Kukulkhan nodded & lead the warrior to the vengeful goddess.

In Joust…

Sun Wukong was sparring with his clone. "Hey Sun! Guess what?" Ne Zha asked. "What?" Wukong asked. "Your nemesis is here! ErLang Shen! He just got released yesterday!" Ne Zha said happily. "WHAT?! That- Well, he-" "I heard from Xba that he's looking for Nemesis." Ne Zha said. "So he wants to make me look like a fool again?! Where's Nemesis?!" Wukong asked. "Last I saw she was in Conquest." Ne Zha said. Sun Wukong groaned & used his 72 transformations. He turned into an eagle & made his way to Conquest.

In Conquest….

Nemesis was sparring with her brother while Loki was watching out of boredom by Speed Camp. "C'mon bro, that the best you got?" Nemesis asked. "You know I'm not even trying right?" Thanatos answered. "Man the both of yas are boring me. Thanatos you normally put up a better fight than that. What's wrong?" Loki asked. "I'm in a rut. GOT is off for the season, just finished season 2 of _True Blood,_ to put it simply, I'm bored too." Thanatos sighed. "Great! Great! I've got 2 bored brats on my hands!" Nemesis complained. "Hey! Nemesis!" Kukulkhan shouted. "Here Kuku!" Nemesis said. "Hey guys. ErLang Shen this is Loki, Thanatos  & Nemesis. Guys this is the new god." Kukulkhan explained. "Cool, so what do you want?" Loki asked. "Whew! You were right, she does smell like Death." ErLang said. "You want something or not?" Nemesis asked. "Yes, I came here to ask that you keep me & Sun Wukong's rivalry to a minimum." ErLang said. "Wait, your the guy Sun Wu hates talking about?" Thanatos asked. "Yes. Thousands of years ago the Jade Emperor sent me to take care of the monkey. I beat him despite the many transformations we did. I'm afraid that Sun Wu might want to settle the score." ErLang said. "So you want me to destroy the rivalry between you 2?" Nemesis asked. "Yes please, besides, it's hard trying to get eagle scratches out of my armor." ErLang begged. "Ok, I'll do it. BTW, try my brother's armor sometimes. Nothing ever dents it." Nemesis said. "So she can really do that?" Loki whispered. "Yeah but, it's not as simple as saying, 'Your rivalry is over' Loki." Thanatos answered. "What do you mean?" ErLang asked. "Well I need the both of you so I can 'Sever the link'." Nemesis said. "Do any of you know where Wukong is?" ErLang asked. "Haven't seen him in 2 games." Loki said. Then a bull came running out of no wheres & knocked the 4 gods into the air. "Sun Wu-" "Don't you talk to me! I'm here to settle the score once & for all!" Wukong snarled. "Whoa! Whoa, hold up Monkey Man." Loki said. "You alright ErLang?" Nemesis asked. "Yes, Whoo! Last time he hit me like that it didn't hurt as much." ErLang said. "Out of my way Loki! I'm here to settle the score!" Sun Wukong growled. "Now if you can calm your baboon butt down, man that sounds cheesy, we can talk this out." Loki said. Then a strange sound was heard. Suddenly, Kukulkhan's Spirit of the Nine Winds drilled everyone to the ground. "Can everyone just chill? Ok?" Kukulkhan asked. "Did you really have to drill us like that Kuku? Lang here's crushing my sternum!" Nemesis groaned. "My apologies," ErLang said as he got up. "Kuku, I swear I'm gonna-" Sun Wukong said. Then a large raven began to circle the skies above them. "Uh, who's that?" ErLang asked. "One of the author's 'influences' only appears when the author don't like someone attacking one of it's favorites." Thanatos explained. "Well, at least the both of you are here. Now we can destroy this rivalry once & for all." Nemesis said. "The only way to destroy a rivalry is to end it with a fight!" Sun Wukong growled. "ENOUGH! Wukong, shut your trap & let Nemi handle this! Ok?!" Loki growled. "Thanks Loki, now then." Nemesis said. She began to hover in mid air & a pair of scales appeared behind her. "ErLang Shen, do you wish to end this rivalry?" Nemesis asked. "Yes, I want nothing to do with this rivalry, I want it to end." ErLang said. The scales tipped towards Er Lang. "Sun Wukong, do you wish to end this rivalry?" Nemesis asked. "Are you kidding?!" Sun Wukong asked. The scales suddenly dropped to the ground. "What happened?" Kukulkhan asked. "Unless both participants agree, the rivalry stands." Nemesis said. "Told yas it wasn't so simple. Until they both agree, their rivalry stays alive." Thanatos whispered. "I see what you mean." Loki answered. "Well then in that case- FIGHT!" Sun Wukong said as he turned into a bull. ErLang Shen sighed sadly & turned into a mink. The mink scurried away towards Duo lane. The bull followed it. The bull then turned into an eagle & chased after the mink. The eagle took to the skies & began to dive. The mink stopped & turned into a turtle. The eagle couldn't stop & crashed into the turtle. The eagle tumbled for a bit before it skidded to a stop. The turtle changed back into ErLang Shen. The eagle squawked weakly & ErLang Shen picked him up. "Now can we bury this rivalry?" ErLang asked. The eagle screeched angrily & turned into a tiger. ErLang Shen turned back into a turtle. The tiger slapped the turtle so hard, he sent the turtle spinning down duo. "ErLang!" Kukulkhan said. The tiger then came charging down the lane. Then it turned into a bull. "ErLang I'd move if I were you!" Loki shouted. The bull got within feet of the turtle when it changed into a mink again & scurried out the way at the last minute. The bull crashed into the tower & groaned. The mink turned back into ErLang Shen. "Passive isn't he?" Thanatos asked. "Yeah very- Are you munching on popcorn?!" Nemesis asked. "What? Problem? I've seen mortals do this all the time." Thanatos said innocently. "Now then, please, I told you I don't want to fight. I want to make peace." ErLang Shen said. The bull glared at him & snorted. "Is he always this stubborn?" ErLang asked. "Dude changes into a bull, what do you expect?" Kukulkhan asked. The bull changed back into Sun Wukong. "Well? Have you considered my request?" ErLang asked. "Fine. Besides, you beat me fair & square." Sun Wukong said reluctantly. "Nemesis! Can you- Were you eating popcorn the whole time I was fighting him?" ErLang asked. "What? He started it!" Nemesis said innocently. "Squealer," Thanatos sighed. "Ok let's try this again. ErLang Shen, do you wish to end this rivalry?" Nemesis asked as she hovered between the 2. "Yes, I want nothing to do with this rivalry. I want it to end." ErLang said. The scales tipped towards him. "Sun Wukong, do you wish to end this rivalry?" Nemesis asked. "Yeah I guess-" "Wrong answer, do you wish to end this rivalry, yes or no?" Nemesis asked. "Yes! Yes! I'll end this rivalry!" Sun Wukong answered. The scales tipped towards him. Then the scales balanced out & sent a shock wave outwards like a giant ring. Then a loud snapping sound was heard. "There, the rivalry is broken. You 2 can now be friends." Nemesis said. "Aww! I wanted the fight to continue!" Thanatos groaned. "Yeah, I had 500 gems on ErLang! Drat!" Loki groaned. "Ah don't mind those 2, they get a kick out of anything." Sun Wukong said. "HEY! We do not!" Loki & Thanatos replied. "So, you gonna show me around Smite?" ErLang asked. "Of course! If you can keep up." Wukong said. He activated his 72 transformations & turned into an eagle again. "Thank you Nemesis, I'll repay you later. Wukong! Wait up!" ErLang said as he used his 72 transformations into a mink. "Well, that worked. Now what?" Loki asked. "I don't know, whatever the crazy mixed up author comes up with." Thanatos said. Then the raven tackled him & slapped him with it's wings before it flew away. "Doggone author," Loki sighed.

ErLang Shen: I rather enjoyed this chapter.

Me: Well thank you. Your the first god to tell me that.

Thanatos: Oh pu-leease!

Me: Problem?!

Thanatos: Nevermind

Nemesis: Why don't you put me in more chapters?

Me: I don't like you too much. Your on the not really hate yet not really like list. Wukong on the other hand is on the hate list.

Nemesis: Aw come on! R & R!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Nox it off!

Summary: After Nox gets a bad hit to the head, she becomes Thanatos & Nemesis's worst nightmare.

Nemesis: You have a bad habit of suddenly writing chapters to stories when your in the middle-

Thanatos: Don't hurt your head over it.

Sol: This author doesn't own anything from Smite. We're property of Hi-Rez studios.

It was sunny as usual, in Conquest. Nox was in middle lane against Scylla. So far, Scylla had the better lane clear. But Nox was catching up. Her solo laner, Sun Wukong, was wining his lane. Her duo laners; Guan Yu & Skadi were in a stalemate with their lane. The enemy team had Nemesis Solo, Geb & Hou Yi in duo, Scylla mid & Thanatos jungle. Speaking of the Hand of Death, he ganked Nox & silenced her. Once the silence wore off, she activated her 1 2 combo & caught Thanatos. Thanatos took some damage but then left the lane. Nox was below half health. Scylla used her Ult, but just barely missed Nox. Nox had to use her dash to get away. "VC3! VSTB! (Be careful right! I'm returning to base!)" Nox said as she began to retreat under tower. She saw that Thanatos hadn't gone to right lane. He was near the back harpy camps. Nox got her 1 ready but before she could fire it, Thanatos smacked her in the head with his 1. "AGHHG!" Nox groaned. "Thanatos, a little much don't you think?!" Nemesis asked. "Sorry Nox," Thanatos shrugged. "No issue baby." said Nox. Thanatos stopped dead in his tracks. "Wait what?" he asked. "She just call you baby?" Wukong asked. "Your only doing your job. Now, give mama a hug & go back to your base." Nox said. "WHAT?!" Nox's team asked. "Yeah I gotta go gank some lanes & clear camps you know, the whole 9…. So..." Thanatos said. "YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW MISTER & GIVE MAMA A HUG!" Nox bellowed. Nemesis cracked up laughing & made her way to middle lane. "Well, you heard her Toasty, give mama a hug." Scylla giggled. "What are you nuts?!" Thanatos asked. "No hug then NO SYCTHE!" Nox growled as she snatched his sycthe away. "Ok someone tell me that this is a sick joke?" Thanatos asked. "Ha! Ha! You lost your-" "Don't you start young lady!" Nox growled. "What?" Nemesis asked as she entered the lane. "You know what! & why are you dressed like that?! You look ridiculous! Get back to base & put on a change of skins right this instant!" Nox said. "Are you- What's wrong with my looks? I mean yeah they make my hips look huge but no one complains." Nemesis said. "You shouldn't be showing hips at all!" Nox growled. Scylla meanwhile was watching this all unfold with a big bag of caramel popcorn. Her dogs were also watching. "Uh Nox, I am an assassin. I need something that flows around me. You know, keeps me stealthy." Nemesis said. "& sexy, (Wolf whistles)" Sun Wukong remarked. "Assassin or not, no daughter of mine is wearing that! You want to embarrass me?!" Nox asked. "I'm not embarrassing anyone! Toasty! Am I embarrassing anyone?" Nemesis asked. "Not to me your not." Thanatos answered. "Oh & about you, your an assassin, get out of that armor!" Nox said. "WHAT?! Nothing's wrong with my armor Nox." Thanatos said. "Besides, he kind of needs it." Scylla said. "Yeah he's one of the squishiest gods around." Hou Yi said as he arrived in middle lane. The other gods were gathering to watch this family squabble. "Doesn't matter, I'm his mother & I say get rid of the armor." Nox said. "Trust me you don't want to see what's under there." Nemesis said nervously. "Yeah she's right." Thanatos said. "So you won't listen to your mother eh? That's it! YOUR GROUNDED!" Nox screamed. The other gods cracked up laughing. "You can't ground me I'm Death! Death does not get grounded!" Thanatos said. "Oh yes he does! No sycthe! No matches! No NOTHING for 3 whole days!" Nox growled. "Your pushing it Nox." Thanatos growled. "Threatening your own mother?!" Nox asked. "Your asking for it!" Thanatos snarled. Nox scoffed, walked around Thanatos & broke his wings! "NOX!" Thanatos hollered. "There, no flying either! Now GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I BEAT YOU TO HADES & BACK!" Nox yelled. " _How_ am I supposed to leave?" Thanatos asked. "Uhh, good point. I mean, you never figured out how to walk properly so..." Nemesis said. "Well you better learn quick!  & _you_ , you need to leave as well so you can change out of that ridiculous outfit." Nox said. "Uh no way Nox." Nemesis said while smirking. "Do I have to punish you too?" Nox asked. "Well-" "That's it! Give me your swords! No matches for you either! For 5 whole days!" Nox said. Scylla fell over laughing. "Ok this isn't fair!" Nemesis said. "I told you to leave!" Nox said. "No! I won't leave! So you can go **** yourself!" Nemesis said while stomping her foot down. "Nice one Nem." Thanatos said. Nox was in shock. Then she grabbed Nemesis, planted her on the ground on her stomach & began to spank her! Everyone except Thanatos blew up laughing. "You! Don't! Use! That! Language! At! Me! Young! Lady!" Nox growled as she spanked her. "Ow! Ow! Nox! Ow! Toasty! Help me!" Nemesis groaned. Thanatos grabbed Nox & got her off Nemesis. "Woo! I don't think I'll be able to sit for a week." Nemesis sighed as she stood up. "Aw come on! It was just getting good." Skadi groaned. Kalder whined in protest. "You dare to interrupt me?" Nox asked. "You asked for it. Come on Nemesis, let's get out of here." Thanatos sighed. Nox growled angrily & grabbed Thanatos by the wing. She slammed him to the ground & began to spank him too! Everyone practically died laughing. Nemesis growled angrily & shoved Nox off her brother. "You ok Thany?" Nemesis asked. "(Groans) She hits hard!" Thanatos groaned. "UNGRATEFUL CHILDREN!" Nox bellowed. Thanatos & Nemesis quickly ran off & left the match. "I'll get them later… WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?!" Nox roared. Everyone ran back to their lanes.

In Assault…

"OW! If you don't mind, be careful!" Thanatos groaned. Loki & Sol were trying to fix Thanatos's wings. "So your telling me that Nox not only broke your wings, she took your sycthe away & spanked your butt in front of everyone?" Sol asked. "Well she spanked Nemesis too! OW! I told you to watch it!" Thanatos groaned. "Ooo I wish I could've seen that." Loki said smiling devilishly. Thanatos glared at the Trickster & Loki shook the smile off. "Well, not like less than half the pantheons don't know about it by now." Nemesis sighed. "Yeah, everyone was watching, Scylla even had popcorn!" Thanatos groaned. "Oh don't worry, it's not like this will ruin your reputations. Now hold still." Sol said as she cracked Thanatos's right wings back into place. "I hope this doesn't mess up my flight abilities." Thanatos groaned as Loki put his left wings in a cast. "Well you won't be flying for a few days, I can tell you that much. But, at least you won't be bored while you recover. I heard that there's a show called _True Blood_. I've started watching it, you can join me." Loki said. "I guess it's better than nothing." Thanatos sighed. "But what am I supposed to do? Nox took my swords away! Without them I have nothing." Nemesis asked. "Hmm, have you tried using Bellona's sword?" Sol asked as she finished putting Thanatos's right wings in a cast. "I can't wield 2 of those things. I have enough trouble with 1." Nemesis sighed. "Darn, well..." Sol said. "Try asking Chiron." Loki said. "Ok, but I'm not sure if I want to make any moves for a while though." Nemesis said nervously. "After today's incident, I'm pretty sure Nox will try to find us  & tear us apart." Thanatos said. Then Hades came into view. "Oh no," Thanatos groaned as he sat up. "Thanatos, I heard what happened to you from Scylla-" "Look it wasn't my fault boss. Nox is going nuts." Thanatos said. "Yeah sure, sure. I wanted to say that- It's drop dead hilarious! Did she really spank you?" Hades asked. Thanatos fainted. "Toasty? Toasty? It's not funny Hades!" Sol growled. "What? It's blowing up the chat box!" Hades said. Nemesis growled angrily & kicked Hades in the back of the head. "That's _my_ brother your laughing-" "Oh you were hilarious too! That whole thing about the hips- HA! BTW, Hou Yi's camera makes your butt look ginormous while Nox was smacking it. Did it hurt?" Hades asked. Thanatos  & Nemesis glared at Hades. The lord of the underworld quickly left. "This will be a rough next few days. Thanks Loki, Sol." Thanatos groaned.

Next day…

Nemesis was in Joust 1v1inning against Fenrir. "I'm sorry for what happened yesterday." Fenrir said. "Thanks, your the first one to not ask if Nox hits hard or not." Nemesis said as she met the wolf in lane. "Your butt still hurt?" Fenrir asked as he cleared a wave. "Yeah. Thanatos won't be active for a few days cause Nox broke both his wings." Nemesis said as she retreated under tower. "Ouch. That's gotta hurt." Fenrir said. "Yeah well, we're both hoping that Nox gets back to normal soon." Nemesis said as her & Fenrir waited for the next minion wave.

In Assault…

Loki & Thanatos were watching True Blood. "How do your wings feel?" Loki asked. "I can't move them if that's what your asking." Thanatos sighed. "So what caused Nox to act like this in the first place exactly?" Loki asked. Thanatos shrugged & continued watching the show.

With Nemesis…

Her & Fenrir were fighting each other in the jungle. "Nemesis!" said a voice. Nemesis froze as a familiar black half sphere appeared around her. Then she got rooted to the ground. "I told you that you were grounded. Why don't you listen?" Nox asked. "Fenrir!" Nemesis shouted. Fenrir then pounced onto Nox & used Brutalize. Nox deactivated her root & dashed away. "Whew! I owe ya one Feni." Nemesis said. "VVGR. (No problem.) Besides, she nearly interrupted our game." Fenrir said.

Later… In Assault map…

Nemesis was checking on her brother's condition. "How are the wings?" she asked. "The same as earlier." Thanatos sighed. "Any sign of Nox?" Loki asked as he paused the episode. "Yeah but Fenrir helped me scare her off." Nemesis said. "Well I guess I can give my son those Doggy Num Nums he's been barking about. BTW, Odin says that you 2 can stay up here if you need to hide. Although, you'll have to sleep in the boat." Loki said. "Gee how thoughtful." Nemesis said sarcastically.

Even later…

Both siblings, Thanatos & Nemesis were 'sleeping' in the boat on Assault map. (Or whatever you call it when Thanatos has his eyes closed.) Unaware, that someone was approaching.

Next day…

Nemesis woke up first & screamed. "Nemesis, shut up." Thanatos mumbled. "Toasty! Wake up you idiot!" Nemesis hollered. "What?! Jeesh! I'm awake! I'm awake!" Thanatos growled. "Look at me! Look at me!" Nemesis screamed. Thanatos blinked in shock. Nemesis was wearing Nox's Crimson Darkness dress along with her normal hood. "Da heck?" Loki asked as he exited the gates of Valhalla. "Um..." Thanatos said while trying to find words. "Ok what kind of night did you 2 have?" Loki asked. "I was in my _standard_ skin when I fell asleep. _How_ did I get into _Nox's_ Crimson Darkness skin?!" Nemesis asked. "Know what I take back my question. At least Thanatos looks sub-par normal." Loki said nervously. "Sub par-? Not again!" Thanatos groaned. He was in his Archon skin again at LVL 20. "Well at least you don't look ridiculous! Someone tell me _how_ am I supposed to sneak through the jungle like this?!" Nemesis asked. "Well, have you tried to run in that?" Loki asked. "Have thou seen Nox run?" Thanatos asked. "Oh right, well this stinks." Loki said. Soon Freya came out of the gates  & blinked in shock. "I guess Nox wasn't kidding about your hips." Freya remarked. Nemesis growled angrily & socked Freya in the eye. It turned black. "Ow! Man you pack a hard punch!" Freya groaned. "I've got a mean kick too, wanna see?!" Nemesis snarled. "NO! No!" Freya shrieked. Nemesis growled & high-kicked Freya in the throat. Loki cracked up laughing & Freya ran back into the gates. "So you 2 gonna be able to 'function' like this?" Loki asked. "Well I can but mine sister I have doubts for." Thanatos said. (I can but I'm not sure about Nemesis)

In Conquest…

Nemesis was with Neith, Apollo, Bastet & Janus who were ready to play. "I hope your 'new look' doesn't stop you from being a jungler." Apollo said. "Don't worry! You'll be fine!" Bastet said. Apollo was in solo, Bastet was supp, Neith was ADC, Janus was in middle & Nemesis was in the jungle. "Don't worry Nemesis, studies have shown that Kephri is 99.9999% more likely to be a terrible jungler than you in your current state. You should still be able to gank lanes even though there is a-" "Thank you for the confidence boost Janus." Nemesis groaned. The game started & Nemesis dropped Janus's buff. Thankfully, Vulcan was able to make new swords for her overnight. But due to Nox's dress, Nemesis was slower than Hel. (If you play Hel, you'd know what I mean.) "C'mon Nemesis! You can do it!" Bastet cheered. Nemesis cleared the back camps & went to go gank middle lane. Too late as Janus was taken down by Vulcan. "Ok maybe we'll have some trouble." Janus said as he respawned. Nox's dress was slowing Nemesis down to a crawl. She could barely get to lanes fast enough. The enemy Susanoo was beating her in ganks & level. He practically cleared the jungle, both sides. Nemesis's team decided to surrender. "Ok so maybe you do have a problem." Bastet said. Nemesis was crushed. She made her way back to Assault to check on her brother.

In Assault…

"… One more pull should do it. You heal fast." Loki said as he pulled off Thanatos's wing casts. The Hand of Death could finally move them. "Trust me, I must have increased recovery to defend against- Man I sound ridiculous!" Thanatos groaned. "Eh, you ever get used to hearing your own voice?" Loki asked as he brushed Thanatos's wings of the leftover scraps from the cast. "Not really, here comes Nemesis. So how was thine game?" Thanatos asked. "A disaster!" Nemesis groaned. "How bad was it?" Loki asked. "Susanoo took down all the camps with ease. I couldn't get a single gank!" Nemesis cried. "Ok this really has to stop! C'mon Nemi, we're gonna go find Nox!" Thanatos ordered. "What, no thank you?" Loki asked. Both siblings glared at the trickster & he remained silent.

In Seige…

"… Not sure man." Xbalanque said. "I haven't seen her since yesterday." Awilix said. "Well thanks for the information." Nemesis said. "So how did Nox end up like this?" Xbalanque asked. "Maybe mine sycthe shot made Nox lapse." Thanatos said. "Hmm, I've heard of that." Xbalanque said. "Heard of what?" Nemesis asked. "When you whack someone on the head hard enough or at the right spot, they seem to either lose their memory or they turn into something weird & unwanted. That happened to Thor 2 months ago. Remember? When Chaac hit him with his axe over that joke he made? Thor was cowardly until Odin smacked him on the head again." Awilix said. "So you think Nox has the same problem?" Nemesis asked. "She shows the symptoms." Xbalanque shrugged. "So how would we 'change her mind?'" Thanatos asked. "Well, either a good hit to the exact same spot might do it or just some weird shock maybe." Xbalanque said. "Darn!" Thanatos groaned. "Why the- Oh, right. You _do_ have one of the most damaging abilities in the game yet it's hard to hit. Hmm, what if you tried making Nox hold still long enough for you to snap her out of this?" Awilix asked. "That _would_ make it easier to hit the spot but how do we make her stand still? I mean yeah she can't get much agility out of her dress but what would make her stop dead in her tracks?" Nemesis asked. Thanatos then came up with an idea. He grabbed Nemesis  & flew to the game lobby.

Next day…

"… _know the plan?_ " Nemesis asked. " _Unfortunately yes,_ " Thanatos answered. " _Oh don't worry, you'll be fine!_ " Neith said. The 3 gods were in Conquest but not in a game. This was where everyone remembered seeing Nox last. Nox was walking down Duo lane looking for her children. Then she heard something. She entered the jungle near the Speed camp (3.9 update). "...it true?" asked a voice. It was Thanatos & he was talking to Neith. "Yes it is. What are we gonna do? What am I gonna do?" Neith said sadly. "Don't you worry, I'll take care of thou with mine last breath." Thanatos said. "Son! What are you doing here?" Nox asked. "Oh, hi Nox." Thanatos said nervously. "What's with the nervousness?" Nox asked. "Well, I kind of did something thou warned me not to do." Thanatos said. "What?" Nox asked. "Your having grandchildren." Neith said. Nox dropped her candles & scream- no more like yelled in anger. "When- When did you- With- He- Her-?!" Nox asked in shock. "About 2 weeks ago. But its not a bad thing. Could you imagine how over-powered the child will be?" Neith said with a straight face. Nox was taken aback. She was frozen in place. Then Nemesis snuck up behind her & whacked her upside the head on the same spot Thanatos originally hit her.

10 minutes later…

" _Think it worked?_ " " _We'll see._ " " _Nox? Nooox?_ " Nox slowly 'woke up' even though you couldn't tell due to that hood over her eyes. "Is thou back to normal?" Thanatos asked. "Uhh, my head… Wait, what happened to our match? & why are you in my Crimson Darkness dress?" Nox asked. "Whew! It worked! Thankfully we didn't have to go with plan B." Nemesis said as she breathed a sigh of relief. "What are you talking about? & why are you in your Archon skin?" Nox asked. "Uh it's a long story." Neith said.

30 minutes later…

"I- I spanked you both?" Nox asked in shock as Loki bandaged her head. "Yeah, in front of everyone." Nemesis said. "& oowww! You hit hard." Thanatos said. "Oh my- I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me!" Nox said. "Nah it wasn't your fault. I kind of started this when I accidentally hit you with my sycthe throw." Thanatos said. "Well at least everything is back to normal. You both have your weapons back, your standard skins back, every thing is peachy!" Loki said as he finished bandaging Nox's head. "Thanks for your help Neith. But how did you say that with a straight face?" Nemesis asked. "I watch a lot of shows where the girl has to confess that. I'm used to it." Neith said. "So your idea of a plan to snap Nox out of her 'condition' was to shock her so badly she wouldn't move? What was plan B again?" Loki asked. "Uhh..." Thanatos said nervously. "Well come on. Tell me," Nox said. "He was going to kiss me right in front of Nox's face." Neith said. "Have you _seen_ his tongue?!" Nemesis asked. Nox was surprised. "Hey I've seen plenty of times in anime when one of the characters sees 2 of them kissing, they're frozen in place!" Thanatos said innocently. " & this is why I told you to stop watching anime." Nox sighed. "Hey I wouldn't have minded much." Neith said happily. "Your not helping Neith." Thanatos sighed. "But is she really- You know? Grandchildren?" Nox asked. "No, unfortunately- OW!" Neith said before Thanatos smacked her on the back of the head. "Not helping Neith!" Thanatos sighed.

Nox: Wow that was a long one.

Neith: I know. So where'd you get inspired for this?

Me: When they had the Mother's Day sale & I saw that art of Nox kissing Thanatos bye before he & Nemesis got on the bus.

Thanatos: Fan art?!

Nemesis: (Groans) R & R!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter The Big Day

Summary: Hou Yi has a big surprise for Chang'e.

Hou Yi: Finally! I get to be in- (I slap him)OW!

Me: Just be glad I even _like_ you!

Chang'e: I wouldn't jinx it my love, remember what happened to Aphro?

Hou Yi: Right. The author doesn't own anything from Smite. We're property of Hi-Rez studios.

It was a bright sunny day in Arena. "Ok, you guys know the plan?" Hou Yi asked his team. Apollo, Nu Wa, Sylvanus & Bastet nodded. Sylvanus gave Hou Yi some flowers. "I hope she says yes." Bastet said. The team moved out of their fountain & met the other team with a minion wave. The other team had Aphrodite, Chang'e, Hun Batz, Neith & Cabrakan. "Ok, ready?" Nu Wa asked. Hou Yi nodded. "Hey! Timeout!" Nu Wa shouted. "Huh? You can call timeouts in this?" Cabrakan asked. "It's worth it man. Trust me," Hou Yi said. He walked towards Chang'e. "Chang'e, I have something to ask you. We've been in Smite for a long time now. I've been wondering, will you marry me?" Hou Yi asked. Everyone gasped in shock. Chang'e said, "VVY (Yes)" "BTW, author, terrible dialogue. Maybe make me sound more roman-" "You know the author doesn't do romance, what do you expect?" Ja'de said. Everyone clapped for the new couple. "Oh! When will the wedding be?!" Neith asked excitedly. "You think 3 days from now will be good?" Hou Yi asked. Chang'e nodded. "You have 3 days to wait." Hou Yi said. Neith squealed in happiness. "Spread the word, preparations will begin tomorrow. & everyone is invited!" Chang'e said. Everyone nodded & left to tell the others.

In Joust… At the Order Fountain…

Nu Wa had returned to tell her friends. The Hindu & Chinese gods were chatting in the Order Fountain with the Order Titan O'Ti'en. "Nu Wa! What's up?" Ravana asked. "I have great news! Hou Yi & Chang'e are finally getting married!" Nu Wa said. "How is that good news?" Kali asked. "When is the wedding?" Ao Kuang asked. "3 days from now." Nu Wa said. "Oh boy!" Ne Zha said. "Chang'e said that everyone is invited." Nu Wa said. "Sweet!" Bakasura said. "Will they send out invites? Or did they already tell you what time it will be?" He Bo asked. "I think they'll send out notices." Nu Wa said. "This will be worth it!" Zhong Qui said happily.

In Seige…

Sylvanus was looking for the other Mayan gods. He found them in the jungle playing Jenga. "Come on… Come on..." Chaac said as he carefully removed a block. "One more block & you've beaten Nemisis's height." Kukulkhan said. "Hi guys!" Sylvanus said. Chaac jumped & the tower fell. "NOOO! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!" Chaac groaned. "Oh, my bad Chaac. But I have important news!" Sylvanus said. "What?" Awilix asked. "Hou Yi & Chang'e are getting married in 3 days!" Sylvanus said. "Amazing!" Ah Puch said. "Are we all going to _bee_ invited?" AMC asked. "Yes  & was that pun really necessary?" Sylvanus asked. "I guess if Agni can get away with it then so can he." Hun Batz remarked.

In Assault… At the order fountain..

Apollo was explaining to the Norse gods what was happening. "We shall be there." Odin said. "Oh BTW, have you seen Loki? Chang'e told me to ask him something." Apollo asked. "Nope," Freya said. "Last time I saw him, he & Toasty were heading somewhere." Tyr said. "I wish those 2 would stop disappearing." Fenrir said. "Well what do you expect from Nox's kid?" Skadi asked. "Great! The invites should be out tomorrow. Now to try to find Loki." Apollo sighed as he used his Ult to fly away.

In Joust Chaos fountain…

Nu Wa was looking for the Greek & Japanese gods. Luckily, she found them. "Hi guys!" Nu Wa said. They were playing Heads up 7 up. "VVGH (Hi) Nu Wa." Zeus said. "What brings you here?" Athena asked. "Well I'm sure you guys heard but Hou Yi & Chang'e are finally tying the knot!" Nu Wa said. "Well that's disappointing- OW!" Hades said before Arachne smacked him. "Can we bring gifts?" Raijin asked. "Well _that's_ a stupid question." Chiron remarked. "Of course. The invites should be out tomorrow or-" Nu Wa said before she paused. "What's wrong?" Amaterasu asked. "Where's Thanatos?" Nu Wa asked. "Eh he hates this game." Poseidon said. "Last I saw him, he was heading towards Conquest map." Chronos said. "Man that guy gets around fast. Ok, thanks" Nu Wa said.

In Training Map…

Cabrakan found the the Roman gods & Nemesis playing Uno. "Hey guys!" Cabrakan said. "What?" Nemesis asked as she put down a blue 5. "Chang'e & Hou Yi are getting married in 3 days." Cabrakan said. "That's wonderful!" Cupid cheered. "Well it's about time. Draw 2!" Vulcan said. "Where's the wedding going to be held? I'll bring the wine." Bacchus asked. "They should be sending out invites maybe tomorrow." Cabrakan said. "Are we all invited? Draw 4, color change to…. Red!" Bellona asked. "Yes," Cabrakan said. "Ok, we'll be there." Janus said. "Oh, do any of you know where Loki is?" Cabrakan asked. "More than likely he's in Conquest with that brother of mine. VVVF (Follow me), I think I know where they are." Nemesis sighed.

In Conquest…

Loki had his face buried in Thanatos's neck in fear. Thanatos has his wings curled around them both in fear & he was shivering. The 2 gods were trying to watch The Conjuring. Emphasis on _trying_. "Please tell me it's almost over!" Loki said. Nemesis soon arrived with Cabrakan. "What's with them?" Cabrakan whispered. "Oh I can't look!" Thanatos said while covering his eyes with one of his wings. "Hey!" Nemesis shouted. Both gods shrieked  & ran off. "Oh, it's- It's only Nemesis. Yeah I knew it. I- Uh," Loki said nervously. Nemesis paused the movie & clicked her tongue. "What?! It's terrifying!" Thanatos said as he gathered his nerves. "Well there they are. I'll see you at the wedding." Nemesis said as she dashed away. "Ca-broken? What you want?" Loki asked. "Chang'e wanted to ask if you could be the DJ at the wedding?" Cabrakan asked. "This guy?" Thanatos asked. "Hey! I've got a pretty good playlist. Wait what wedding?" Loki asked. "Oh! Hou Yi & Chang'e are finally tying the knot!" Cabrakan said. "I guess that's a good thing." Thanatos shrugged. "Oh speaking of you, Hou Yi wants you to be the preacher like guy." Cabrakan said. " _This_ guy?!" Loki asked while trying to stifle his laughter. "I guess my Archon skin _does_ make me sound the part." Thanatos said. "Then its settled. The invites will be out tomorrow." Cabrakan said as he walked away. Both gods sighed & decided to return to the movie. "How did I let you talk me into watching this?" Loki asked as he grew scared. "Man why'd I choose this?" Thanatos asked.

The day of…

Scylla was helping to put up decorations with Aphrodite. "I swear Scylla, you could be a decorator." Aphrodite said. "Thanks! When are the others arriving?" Scylla asked. "Oh my fellow Greeks said that they might be late. Thanatos vanished again. & I heard from Odin that they will be late cause Loki disappeared." Aphrodite said sadly. "Really? Again?" Scylla whined. "Yeah, I don't know where they went. No one does!" Aphrodite said. "What's this I hear about Thanatos & Loki disappearing?" Hou Yi asked while approaching the 2. "Ooo, nice _Moon's Groom_ skin. But yes, Thanatos hasn't been seen since yesterday. Same for Loki." Aphrodite said. "Your kidding me. Has anyone checked in Conquest?" Hou Yi asked. "The Greeks combed through it camp by camp. Even Bill  & Rachel haven't seen them." Aphrodite said. "What about Siege?" Hou Yi asked. "The Mayans are searching there now." Aphrodite said. Hou Yi sighed & Scylla said, "I think he meant it." "Meant what?" Hou Yi asked. "Thanatos told Chrono Trigger that he can't stand weddings. Something about having a bad reaction when he's near them." Scylla said. "Anyone know where Nox is?" Hou Yi asked. "I'm not sure. I could chat box her for you." Aphrodite said. "Please do, I'll go help Agni with the final preparations." Hou Yi said. Aphrodite nodded & typed in the chat box.

Meanwhile where Thanatos & Loki are…

"You sure they won't find us here?" Loki asked. "Heck yeah. I use this place whenever I need to get away from Hades. Now stay quiet!" Thanatos whispered.

Where Nox was…

Nox was going down left lane in Seige with Kukulkhan & Fenrir. "So is your father known to hide like this?" Nox asked. "Nope. Yeah he does turn invisible but it's only temporary." Fenrir explained. "What about Toasty? Would he have any reason to vanish like this?" Kukulkhan asked. Nox thought for a moment & remembered something. "Hey, just got a message from Aphrodite. She's asking if you could go see Hou Yi?" Fenrir asked. "Go on, we'll keep searching." Kukulkhan said. Nox nodded & made her way to Joust. "Man they're good at hiding." Fenrir said.

In Joust….

"Nox, thank you for coming. Now, do you know why that Thanatos is missing?" Hou Yi asked. "Yes but it's not gonna make much sense." Nox said. "Try me," Hou Yi said. "Well, Thanatos vanished because he has love mush sensitivity." Nox said. "Uhh… What?" Hou Yi asked. "He gets nauseous around mushy gunk like weddings! & believe me, his vomit will scare _everyone_ away." Nox said. "That's a thing?" Hou Yi asked. "I've heard of it," Scylla said. "Really?" Hou Yi asked. "Yeah it happens to boys who don't outgrow the 'Eww kisses' thing. Well that and also, if you live near Zeus you'd get sick too." Scylla said. "Ok, that's a new one. Well then do you know why Loki's vanished?" Hou Yi asked. "It's because Loki just flat out don't like weddings!" Agni yelled from down the lane. "Well that's helpful, so where are they?" Hou Yi asked. "Hey! Kuku says he found their scents down Duo in Conquest." Scylla said. "I think I know where they are." Nox said. "Wait, is there any risk in Toasty going through with the job I asked of him?" Hou Yi asked. "Well if the ceremony is short, he'll just get nauseous. But the longer it goes on, the worst the effects. Worst case scenario, Thanatos passes out for a month  & vomit pours out his-" "Ok, OK, I get it. Keep it short & simple." Hou Yi said.

In Conquest…

"Kuku, you sure Nox told you that they'd be here?" Fenrir asked. "She said it may take a few of my tornadoes." Kukulkhan said. They were digging up the beach-like area by Duo lane. He placed one more tornado on the sand. "Oh come on!" "Well what do ya know? Nox was right. Come on dad," Fenrir said. "Do I _really_ have to go?" Loki asked. "Loki your standing on my stomach!" Thanatos snarled. "Sorry! Fenrir you know I hate weddings." Loki sighed. "Wait did you even say yes to Hou Yi's offer?" Fenrir asked. "Not really, besides, Toasty didn't say yes either." Loki said as he crawled out the hole. "Well, just do it, eh dad?" Fenrir asked. "If I do this your not going to beg me for Doggy Num Nums for the next 2 weeks. Got it?" Loki asked. "Got it, now what about him?" Fenrir asked. "I ain't coming out!" Thanatos said. "Come on man!" Kukulkhan shouted. "NO WAY!" Thanatos bellowed. "Why's he so stubborn?" Kukulkhan asked. "Let me at him." "Nox! Maybe you can talk some sense into Toasty." Loki said. "Not gonna work!" Thanatos shouted. "So why's he like this?" Kukulkhan asked. "Love mush sensitivity. Thanatos! Come on you! Hou Yi said that he'd make it short  & simple!" Nox said. "You sure about that? You & me both know how he gets when he starts spamming about his love for Chang'e." Thanatos asked. "Yes! Now get your butt up here before I tell Loki the time you ran around Olympus chasing that nymph & both of you were buck na-" "Ya know you could have just asked. No need to drag that into this!" Thanatos said as he crawled out the hole. "Good, now to Joust, we'll be late at this rate." Fenrir said. Thanatos snapped his fingers & morphed into his Archon skin LVL 20.

In Joust…

Everyone (up to Susanoo's release) was gathered in their golden, Legendary or Diamond skins. The Order Titans, Chaos Titans, Bull Demon King, Rachel the Gold Fury & Bill the Fire Giant were also there. The altar was right where the order phoenix would be. Surprisingly, even the phoenixes were at the wedding too. "So when's this gonna start?" Artemis asked. "Hang tight Art, it's almost time." Athena said. "I wonder why Hou Yi doesn't want me to officiate the marriage?" Zeus asked. "Well, you have a bad habit of stealing people's wives." Xbalanque said. "So? That's not a bad thing!" Zeus said. Xbalanque rolled his eyes & walked away.

Where Hou Yi was…

Hou Yi was waiting in the Order Fountain for any sign of Thanatos & Loki. "Hou Yi!" "Oh thank goodness your here! I was getting nervous." Hou Yi said. "Remember, thou must make it short or evil shall erupt from mine mouth & thou's ceremony will be tainted." Thanatos instructed. "Huh?" Hou Yi asked. "He said, 'Make it quick or else he'll puke.' Got it? BTW I chose today's hits is that alright?" Loki asked. "Ok I get it. & yes today's hits is alright. Just make sure you play that _Time of my life_ song by Pitbull, Chang'e loves it. Oh, you guys might want to get to your seats, it's time." Hou Yi said. Loki  & Nox nodded & went to their seats. "Thank you so much for- Right, ease up on the mush. Sorry," Hou Yi said. Thanatos rolled his eyes & flew towards the altar. Chang'e soon came down the lane in her Sun's Bride skin. " _Man, she's stunning!_ " Hou Yi thought. " _Wish she'd make haste, (Sighs) why doth brides take eternity to get to the accursed altar?! I doth not have all day!_ " Thanatos thought. Finally Chang'e got to the altar. Everyone took their seats. "Gods & goddesses, we are gathered here to bring the sun & the moon together. The couple has unfortunately written their own vows." Thanatos sighed. "Gee thanks. Chang'e, for thousands of years, the Jade Emperor tried to keep us apart. You were sent to the moon, where I could not gaze upon your light for I was the sun. Each day I would- (Thanatos glares at him) Right, anyways, I've always wanted to reunite with you. I've dreamed about that day. & now, that day is here-" "I doth said vows not an election speech." Thanatos groaned. "I'm getting to it. Chang'e, I vow to love you & only you. I vow to cherish you & be yours forever." Hou Yi said. "Finally! The bride," Thanatos said. " _Man I wish he'd_ _be a little more patient_ _._ " Awilix thought. "I'll make it quick. ( _I know his condition,_ ) Hou Yi I vow to love you as well. I vow to respect you so long as you respect me. I vow to be yours forever. I also vow to not hurt you too much when we are on opposite teams." Chang'e said. "Well, now that that's settled. If any of you are against this union, hopefully none, speak now or forever shut up." Thanatos sighed. Loki snickered & Thor glared at him. "What? He makes it funny!" Loki whispered. "Good, now don't one of you dare to say something at the last minute. By the power vested in me by the game we're in & by some cheap gag, I pronounce you 2 the dreaded man & wife. Go ahead & kiss." Thanatos groaned. Hou Yi looked at Chang'e happily &\- "Hey author you mind making them kiss already?" Thanatos asked. And the 2 nut cases kissed! Everyone cheered loudly & applauded the new couple. Thanatos groaned & flew away. "Uh Loki, now's your cue." Nox whispered. "Oh right!" Loki said. Then music started playing. Some gods danced while others talked. "Chang'e, where are you going?" Hou Yi asked. "To thank & heal someone. I'll be back" Chang'e said. "Ok," Hou Yi answered. "How did Thanatos say all that with a straight face?" Sol asked. "Not sure but that was funny I'll admit." Cabrakan said.

Where Chang'e was…

Chang'e was traveling through the jungle in Joust towards Chaos Fountain. She found Thanatos still in his Archon skin lying on the ground. "Are you alright?" Ja'de asked. "I'm so nauseous if you say Poser's (Poseidon) name, evil will fly out my mouth." Thanatos sighed. "Come on, sit up. There you go, I wanted to thank you for this. I know you suffer from love mush sensitivity-" "So does the author but it's not as bad." Thanatos sighed. "So do you take gems or favor?" Chang'e asked. "Either one, right now- I doth not feel too good." Thanatos groaned. "I'm sorry, Hou Yi has a bad habit of going on tangents when it comes to our love." Chang'e said. "No kidding," Ja'de said. Chang'e used her Moonflower Dance & tried to heal the Hand of Death. "Yeah that- Doth not help," Thanatos sighed. "I'm sorry, have you handled this before?" Chang'e asked. "Y- Yeah. I must make haste from the source of the feeling." Thanatos said. "Ok, I understand. Want me to pay you later?" Chang'e asked. "Sure, I'll see thou later. I ain't doing this again anytime soon." Thanatos groaned before he flew away. "Well then, at least he made it entertaining. Shall we return to the party?" Ja'de asked. "Oh, of course." Chang'e said.

2 weeks later in Order Fountain…

"Hou Yi, did you ever pay Thanatos or Loki?" Chang'e asked. "Oops, well where is he? No one's seen them since-" "The ceremony?" "AHH!" Hou Yi screamed. "Thanatos really?" Chang'e asked. Thanatos was hovering behind her snickering in his standard skin. "What? You almost made me cough up my lunch!" Thanatos said. "I assume you've come here for your payment?" Chang'e asked. "Yeah, 200 favor plus 300 gems." Thanatos said landing next to Chang'e. "Why the high price?" Hou Yi asked. "Well, I could tell that your words were messing with him during the ceremony. Here you go Thanatos, & here's an extra 125 gems." Chang'e said. "Thanks, BTW, when's your wedding anniversary?" Thanatos asked. "Huh? Why'd you ask?" Hou Yi asked. "Cause the night of your honeymoon I could hear you 2-" "Thany!" Chang'e said with an embarrassed blush. "Well since your giving so much out I'd like my payment." Loki said as he deactivated his invisibility behind Hou Yi. "Aw jeesh! How much do you want Loki?" Hou Yi asked. "Same amount as Thanatos got, minus the 125 gems. Thanks to him, he made it entertaining." Loki said. "Hey, it was either that or I spew my guts." Thanatos said. Hou Yi paid Loki & the 2 gods left Joust map. "Let's just hope there isn't a next time." Ja'de said.

Hou Yi: Were those cracks necessary?

Me: I absolutely _HATE_ weddings! The only way I could write this thing without 'influencing' the outcome was to stick cracks in there. Problem?

Loki: Well at least you made it funny.

Chang'e: R & R


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Tien's acting funny & it's bothering ErLang Shen but he doesn't know why. Hopefully he finds out before it's too late.

ErLang Shen: The author doesn't own anything from Smite. We're property of Hi-Rez Studios.

It was late at night in Joust map. ErLang Shen was returning to the Order Fountain after a long & painful Conquest match. He laid his spear on the ground next to where he was gonna sleep. "Good night Tien, sorry we lost." ErLang sighed as he lied down on the ground. Tien barked & watched as his master drifted off to sleep. Then ErLang heard a weird scraping sound. He opened an eye to see Tien dragging his butt across the ground. "Ha, ha. Very funny Tien. Please, let me sleep." ErLang sighed. But the scraping continued. Then ErLang heard itching. He awoke to see Tien scratching his side. "Here Tien, let me help you with that." ErLang sighed as he sat up. Tien sat in his master's lap & panted happily as the itch was relieved. "There you go, now let me sleep ok?" ErLang asked. Tien nodded & watched as his master fall asleep.

Next day…

"ErLang? ErLang?" asked a voice. Shen groaned as he sat up. "What time is it?" ErLang asked. "About 7:00 a.m." Rama said. "Uh, why'd you wake me so early? I didn't get to sleep till 3:00 am." ErLang asked. "Well you and me have a game in a few minutes. I thought it wouldn't be wise to arrive late." Rama explained. "Can't we postpone it? Tien kept me up nearly all night with his scratching." ErLang asked. "I'm afraid not, Nox is on her way. We face Loki, Amaterasu & Fafnir." Rama said. "Aw man! We might lose cause- (Yawns) I'm still half asleep." ErLang sighed. "Have courage, maybe Nox can carry us. She did get that rework recently." Rama said hopefully. Then ErLang heard that sound again. Tien was dragging his butt across the ground again! "Tien please stop doing that." ErLang sighed. "Hey, it's quite funny." Rama said. Soon Nox arrived. "Are you 2 ready for- What's with Tien?" Nox asked. "I don't know, he's been doing that since last night. And it's getting quite annoying." ErLang groaned. "He might have a rash of some sort." Nox suggested. "Tien, go bathe in the fountain. I'll play this game without you. For now anyways." ErLang said. Tien nodded & began to chew his leg. "At least it looks like a rash. I'll check with Hades later." Nox said. So the 3 entered the match. Due to ErLang getting no sleep the night prior, Rama had to carry them to victory. "Thanks for carrying me Rama- (Yawns) I owe ya one." ErLang sighed. "It's no problem. But you should really get some sleep. Go to Training Map. It's very quiet there." Rama said. "Thanks, come on Tien." ErLang commanded. Tien was soaking wet & still dragging his butt across the ground. "Still? Come on buddy," ErLang sighed. He turned into a Mink & scurried away. "I'd better go see Hades about this." Nox said as she left the map.

In Training Map… About 3 hours later...

ErLang was sleeping peacefully near the minion spawning area. Tien was sleeping on his chest, he had finally stopped scratching. " _At least Tien stopped scratching- Whew! What's that smell?_ " ErLang thought. He woke up & found a turd on his chest plates. "Aw yuck! Tien! It's called finding a tree!" ErLang groaned. Tien continued to drag his butt on the ground. "Oh don't start that again! Pew! Now I gotta go wash this stuff off! Minion 34, could you watch Tien for me? I'll be right back." ErLang asked. "Sure thing!" Minion 34 said proudly.

In Conquest near Duo Lane…

ErLang was washing his breastplate of Tien's 'gift'. " _ErLang! What are you doing?!_ " Poseidon shouted. "Sorry Poseidon, Tien made a brownie on my armor. I'm almost done washing it off." ErLang said. "You shouldn't be doing that in _my_ waters! Away with you!" Poseidon snarled. "Hey now, I'm almost done. Whew! For such a small dog, Tien made a big brownie." ErLang said as he scraped the remnants off. Poseidon noticed something weird on ErLang's armor  & ran off screaming. "Now what's with him? Then again Neith did tell me Poseidon was temperamental." ErLang said as he put it back on. The poop was gone but the smell remained. "Maybe Xba has something for the smell." ErLang said as he transformed into a mink & scurried to Siege.

In Siege…

"Whew! What died on you ErLang?!" Xba asked as he held his nose. "Yeah, you smell worst than mildew & a rotting fish. Yuck!" Kukulkhan remarked. "Do you have anything for it? I've got to get back to Tien in Training Map." ErLang asked. "Whoo! Yeah I do-" Xba said before he stopped suddenly. "Xba I don't think you should touch him." Kukulkhan said. "Uh no kidding Kuku." Xba said. "What is going on?" ErLang asked. "Ok so I'll leave the stuff on the ground just don't get too close to us ErLang ok?" Xba asked as he back away nervously. "Wha? Why are you 2 acting funny?" ErLang asked. "Nah! We're not acting weird!" Kukulkhan said before the 2 dashed away. "Strange," ErLang said as he picked up the spray. He began to make his way to Training Map.

In Training Map…

ErLang applied the spray & the smell was gone instantly. The sun was beginning to set. "Come on Tien! Time for bed!" ErLang said. Him & the dog returned to Joust to see Ne Zha & Scylla chatting about something. "Hello Ne Zha, Scylla." ErLang said. Ne Zha screamed in horror. "Bro you've got spots all over your face!" Scylla screamed. "Huh?" ErLang asked. "Don't come any closer man! I don't want to get infested!" Ne Zha shouted. "Calm down guys, there's nothing wrong with me. Maybe Tien but not me." ErLang said. Ne Zha & Scylla screamed in horror & ran off. "Huh, wonder what's with everyone today?" ErLang asked. He made his way to the Order Fountain. Even the Order Titan there gave him space. He found Rama, Chang'e & Hou Yi talking. "Hi guys," ErLang said. The 3 gods screamed in fear. "Ok seriously! Enough with the screams! I'm getting a headache from them." ErLang groaned. "ErLang you've got more spots on your face than Xba's skin!" Rama said. "What spots?" ErLang asked. "Hang tight!" Hou Yi said. He dashed away & borrowed Amaterasu's mirror. "Look!" Hou Yi shouted. ErLang saw his face was covered in red spots. "Ok I see why everyone's screaming but they're probably just pimples or freckles." ErLang said as he scratched his side. "It's worst than I thought." Chang'e said. "Huh?" ErLang asked. "There's Nox! Nox!" Ja'de shouted. "I see it's gotten worst. Thany!" Nox shouted. Then Thanatos swooped in & snatched the Illustrious Sage & his dog. "Where to Nox?" Thanatos asked. "Conquest Duo Lane. Neith should have that screen thing set up by now. I'll follow you on foot." Nox said. Thanatos nodded & flew to Conquest. "I take it your going to cure ErLang's itch?" Chang'e asked. "Yes, also Thanatos! Use the black Brillo pad! I'm on my way! You guys should check yourselves just in case." Nox said. The 3 gods gulped nervously.

In Conquest…

Neith had finished putting up a screen used for changing clothes near the shore in Duo Lane. "There we go, now where's Thanatos?" Neith asked. "There he is! Over here Thany!" Hades shouted. The Hand of Death hovered above them & passed Hades Tien. "Wait what are you doing?" ErLang asked. "Yep I knew it, once Nox described the symptoms I knew what was wrong." Hades said. "So where do you want me to drop him?" Thanatos asked. "In the water behind the screen. ErLang, I'm gonna need you to scrub yourself with the Brillo pad." Hades said. "What?! I will do no such thing!" ErLang said. "Look we don't have much time. Your putting Neith here at risk." Hades said. "At risk? For what?!" ErLang asked as he got rather annoyed. "Fleas," Hades said calmly. "Wha…?" ErLang asked. "Ok know what we're wasting time, Thanatos, you know what to do. Nox left a bottle of the stuff behind the screen next to the Brillo pad." Hades said. "Got it Bo- Hades." Thanatos said as he landed behind the screen. "Do you have the meds?" Hades asked. Neith nodded & pulled out some cheese. She wrapped it around the pill & tried to feed it to Tien. "Tien! You get your hands off my ally! What are you giving him?! Tien don't eat it!" ErLang commanded. "Please Tien, this will make you feel better & cure your itching." Neith said in a friendly voice. Tien's eyes grew huge & he ate the cheese willingly. "No! What have you done to Tien?!" ErLang howled. Thanatos dragged him back behind the screen. "Come on Tien, one more." Neith said. "No! I won't let you- OWMPH!" ErLang grunted as he tried to grab Tien but Thanatos elbow-dropped him & dragged him back behind the screen. "Please Thany do hurry. I don't want any of those little freaks infecting half the pantheon." Hades said. "I'm trying but this guy's stubborn." Thanatos said. "Get your hands off me! Thany if you don't let me go I'll tear your wings off!" ErLang growled. "Pha! Nox beat you to it. Finally!" Thanatos said as he removed ErLang's forearm armor. "Give that back!" ErLang shouted. Thanatos tossed it over the screen & continued his work. "Neith, you watch Tien, I'll get to work on the armor." Hades said. Neith nodded & Tien sat next to her but not too close. "Will you stop it?! Thany I swear I'm gonna knock you- Hey! I need that! Oh you are so gonna pay! Stop removing my armor!" ErLang shouted. "Jeesh this guy's noisy." Thanatos remarked as he yanked off the last piece. "You sorry- Now look at me!" ErLang complained. "Hmm, so that's what you wear under your armor. Hey Hades, I've got one more thing for you to wash." Thanatos said. "Ok Thany, just hurry up before they escape." Hades said. "What's all the noise?" Chronos asked as he approached the group. "Oh ErLang's being a dink that's all- OW!" Thanatos said before ErLang kicked him. "I wouldn't stand too close to Tien Chronos, he has fleas." Hades said. "Yo! It's a good thing you told me. So what's Thanatos doing?" Chronos asked. "He's trying to wash ErLang. He's also got fleas but it's apparently harder than you'd think." Hades said. "Especially since he won't stop trying to kick me-OW!" Thanatos groaned. "Want me to get Nox?" Chronos asked. "Sure thing," Hades said. Chronos nodded & left to go get the night. "I swear it's like I'm trying to bathe a puppy!" Thanatos remarked. Neith couldn't help but snicker. "Give that back you ignoramus!" ErLang snarled. "Ok here's the last of it. Whew! I think I'd rather wrestle the Minotaur than do this again." Thanatos remarked as he handed Hades the last of ErLang's clothing. "Now are you gonna hold still or what?" Thanatos asked. ErLang growled angrily & tackled Thanatos. "Dude if Neith could see this her fan-girl instincts would go through the roof." Thanatos said. Neith grew a small blush. "Just wash him Thany & make sure you scrub extra hard." Hades instructed. "Wait scrub me?! Your not doing that!" ErLang growled. Thanatos pinned ErLang to the ground & began to scrub roughly with the Brillo pad. ErLang screamed as it hurt. "Hey this is what you get for kicking me so much. We're only trying to _help_ you. Now hold still," Thanatos said. "You call giving Tien drugs, stripping me naked  & scraping my skin off helping?!" ErLang asked. "Meh more or less." Thanatos shrugged. "Ok his stuff's all clean. It's 100% flea-free." Hades said. Soon Nox arrived in lane. "So how's little Tien?" Nox asked the dog. Tien barked happily & wagged his tail. "I see the meds worked. BTW, where is ErLang?" Nox asked. "Behind the screen," Neith said with a blush on her face. "AGH!" ErLang groaned. "Ya know this wouldn't hurt as much if you would hold still. Your wigglier than a wet noodle." Thanatos said. Neith giggled & got the joke. "Thany watch your mouth! Now's not the time for- AIIIEEEEEE!" ErLang screamed. "I take it ErLang's being stubborn?" Nox asked. "It was practically a wrestling match between the 2." Hades said. "Yeah, ErLang wasn't cooperating at all." Neith said. "Well would you if you were being treated like this- Don't answer that questio- OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" ErLang wailed. "He's overreacting again," Thanatos said. This continued for the rest of the after noon which was filled with ErLang's screams of pain. Soon sunset arrived &, "Ok I think he's finally done. Whew! That took longer than I thought it would." Thanatos said. "Are you _sure_ he's flea-free?" Nox asked. "Oops missed a spot." Thanatos said. "I'll show you missed a spot!" ErLang snarled as he began to pummel Thanatos. Thankfully though, he was in so much pain, his punches barely hurt. So he scrubbed the last spot  & rinsed his hands. "So how you feeling?" Thanatos said with a stupid smirk on his face. "I- Am in _so_ much pain!" ErLang growled. "So Nox should I put the relaxer on him?" Thanatos asked. "Mmm, yes. By the sound of his screaming the stuff should have worked." Nox said. "No way are you laying your hands on me again!" ErLang shouted. "Look this stuff will get rid of your pain, you want it or not?" Thanatos asked. "Fine. But be gentle!" ErLang ordered. "Ok! Jeesh it's a good thing I'm not a dog. I hate to have you for a master." Thanatos sighed. "So Tien had fleas?" Neith asked. "Not just fleas, he got worms." Nox said. "Oh my!" Neith said. "Yeah, Cerberus got worms after Heracles returned him. You can imagine how hard it was to wash _him_." Hades groaned. "So how did you cure him?" Neith asked. "Well it's my own recipe. It's a pill that destroys the worms  & makes Tien's blood kill fleas when they drink it without having any side effects whatsoever." Nox explained. "So what about ErLang?" Neith asked. "Oh that's just a potion of physical might mixed with an elixir of defense, some feathers from my dress, a few sea shell fragments, rose petals for aroma & a few bay leaves." Nox said. "So what's Thany putting on ErLang now?" Neith asked. "It's a skin relaxer. It soothes the skin of any rashes or scrapes. That explains why ErLang's so quiet." Hades said. "Wish he was like this earlier- OW!" Thanatos said before Erlang slapped him. "No remarks, just continue with what your doing. It feels good- Wait!" ErLang said. "Phrasing! Phrasing! You heard him Neith," Thanatos remarked. Neith fell down laughing. ErLang growled in annoyance, "You guys & that _Archer_ …." Nox sighed. "Just be glad he's finally done. _Now_ you can get dressed. Besides, not like you've got anything impressive to sho- OW!" Thanatos said before ErLang punched him. Neith  & Hades cracked up laughing. ErLang put back on his armor & stepped out from behind the screen. He shot Thanatos a death glare. "Hey you made it rough not me. I was _trying_ to be gentle." Thanatos said with a sly smirk. "Is no one gonna touch that?" Neith asked between laughs. "This guy  & the jokes!" ErLang growled. Neith couldn't stop laughing. "So what was causing all the problem?" ErLang asked. "Worms. Thankfully we caught it in time." Nox said. "You mean Tien was sick? Oh dear! I'm so sorry buddy." ErLang said. "Why weren't you suspicious?" Thanatos asked. "Cause in my defeat screen Tien drags his butt across during part of it all the time. I just thought maybe he was making me laugh or he was itchy." ErLang explained. "Huh, weird. That's one of the symptoms of worms." Neith said. "So why did you sound so surprised when you heard about how Tien might have fleas?" Hades asked. "Because I don't know what a flea is." ErLang said. "Da heck?!" Thanatos asked. "Fleas are tiny bugs that drink the blood of mammals. They can spread all sorts of diseases with just jumping onto something." Hades explained. "Do they cause itching?" ErLang asked. "Yep," Nox said. "That explains the 'freckles' and why everyone didn't want to be near me. But how did Tien get this?" ErLang asked. "Not sure honestly- Wait, let me check with Skadi & Loki real quick." Nox said as she typed a message into the chat box. "So would Tien have died if you guys hadn't intervened?" ErLang asked. "Probably, I mean there are some worms that don't kill dogs but it depends." Hades said. "Aha! I knew it. Skadi says that she nearly got fleas from Loki's son Fenrir. Apparently Loki forgot to give Fenrir his monthly flea shot. Loki says he's sorry." Nox explained. "Well, I _did_ have a game with Skadi when Tien started the butt dragging thing. That explains a lot. Thank you so much for helping us Hades." ErLang said. "No problem, besides at least Cerberus isn't here. That was a nightmare to wash." Hades said. "Remember _I_ had to wash him." Thanatos groaned. "So should I give Tien those meds for a few days or…?" ErLang asked. "Yes, at least for the rest of the week to make sure he's cured. And if you have any future matches within the next week with Skadi or Fenrir, you might want to wash yourself." Nox instructed. "Please don't tell me with a Brillo pad?" ErLang asked. "Well… A normal sponge won't get the eggs or dung off of you, if there are any." Nox said. "Aw drat!" ErLang groaned. "Hey maybe this time you won't scream as loud." Thanatos remarked. "You- Does Thany have to do it?" ErLang asked. "Yeah unless you can scrub yourself that hard." Hades said. "No I can't," ErLang said sadly. "Oh don't be like that. Besides, next time don't kick, don't scream so much  & it might not take as long. I swear this guy had his legs open for-" "Thany if you don't shut up I'll shove my spear up you- Wait! I didn't mean it like that!" ErLang shrieked. "Phrasing! Hey you said it not me. Besides, I don't play that way." Thanatos said. Neith cracked up laughing at the image in her head.

Later on that week…

ErLang was still screaming in pain from the scrubbing. Neith & Tien were sitting outside the screen waiting. Suddenly Loki appeared out of the jungle. "Loki? What are you doing here?" Neith asked. "Whew! I came to tell you guys that Fenrir got his shots so you don't have to worry about any fleas for the next month. Also, what's with the screaming?" Loki asked. "Well… And… So we… And ErLang's… So yeah," Neith explained. "Well that's gotta be annoying. Sorry ErLang!" Loki shouted. "Again if this guy would stop kicking me it wouldn't take as long-OW!" Thanatos sighed. "So what you want me to lie here and take it? Or do it myself? I mean at least you could be a bit gentler cause this hurts. Dang it!" ErLang said. "Is phrasing not a thing? Hey you said it not me this time." Thanatos said. "I take it he's been making cracks like that this whole time?" Loki asked. "Oh you should have been here on day 1." Neith said. "Please tell me this is over?" ErLang asked. "Well the painful part is. Now comes the skin relaxer." Thanatos said. "So how's Tien been?" Loki asked. "He's been fine, no scratching thankfully." ErLang sighed. "Oh _now_ your submissive." Thanatos groaned. ErLang snarled angrily  & punched him in the face. He quickly changed into his armor & tackled Thanatos. "I've had it up to here with your dirty remarks!" ErLang growled. "Hey just be glad we saved Tien's life. Now if you don't mind, get off me. Your crushing my knees." Thanatos said. "Well, thank you." ErLang mumbled. "So what's that Thank you for? For saving Tien's life? For getting rid of the fleas? Or is it for despite scraping off nearly all of your skin I was curing you? Or is it because you like being on the botto-" "DANG IT THANY!" ErLang hollered as he chased after the Hand of Death. Neith & Loki cracked up laughing at ErLang's face as he furiously chased Thanatos down Duo lane.

ErLang: Were the dirty remarks necessary?

Me: Just be glad I kept it PG.

Thanatos: Yeah there are way more remarks-

ErLang: R&R already! Jeesh!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Don't Stick to the Script!

Summary: Someone thinks Smite would be better if everyone followed their lore.

Nemesis: The author doesn't own anything from Smite. We're property of Hi-Rez studios.

It was a warm evening in Smite. Thanatos was returning to the Escape the Underworld Arena after a long day of bad matches. "That's the last time I agree to a 2v2 against a rank 10 scumbag." Thanatos groaned as he landed. He noticed white feathers all over the ground. He morphed into his Archon skin & compared the 2. They didn't match. He switched back to his standard skin & saw a trail of feathers leading to where Nemesis sleeps. She slept near the Attack Speed buff on the left side of the map. He heard squawking. "Ra, really?" Thanatos asked as he rolled his eyes & headed for the fountain furthest from the aforementioned Attack Speed Camp. He laid on his side & fell asleep.

Next day….

" _Oh will you wake up?!_ " "Wha- OW! Nemesis! Why the rude awakening?!" Thanatos growled as he sat up. "Something is ten tons of wrong here!" she screamed. "Ok first, you don't have to scream, I can hear you & secondly, what is ten tons of wrong?" Thanatos asked. "Well I woke up this morning covered in white feathers so I thought, 'oh Thany's in his Archon skin & he's molting again. No biggie!' Then I see some weird white liquid oozing out my pu-" "Please Nemesis!" Thanatos interrupted. "Sorry, & I sniff it. So I did a test &\- Look!" Nemesis explained while holding a pregnancy test. It was positive, Thanatos gave Nemesis a funny look. "How..." "I don't know! My memory of last night is blank! What am I going to do?!" Nemesis asked. "Don't worry sis, we'll see the others about this." Thanatos said. "What?! I don't want this to get out! You can only tell Neith since she's the only one with a nurse skin. Please bro!" Nemesis begged. "Alright! Alright! But what about Nox-" "I said no one!" Nemesis cried. "Ok, ok, just at least let me go get Neith." Thanatos said. "Go ahead, right now I'm craving pickles & ice cream for some reason." Nemesis said. Thanatos nodded & flew off to find Neith. " _Strange, Nemesis said she didn't want kids. Didn't want to ruin her figure…_ " Thanatos thought as he flew over Joust. He finally found Neith in the Training Map, practicing a new build. "Neith! I need your help!" Thanatos said as he landed. "What's up Thany? I'm working on a new crit build." Neith asked. "Well… Nemesis… Has a bun in the oven." Thanatos said. "Huh?" Neith asked. "She's uh, got an Iggy in the basket?" Thanatos said. "Could you make sense Thanatos?" Neith asked. "Nemesis is- She's expecting!" Thanatos whispered. "Ohhh! That's what you meant. Well- Wait, she said she never wanted a kid." Neith said. "Yeah but she doesn't want word of this to get out! She sent me to get you to see what's up. Ya know, what with you & your Ms. Diagnosis skin." Thanatos whispered. "Take me to her. Cause something smells funny & I don't mean that one time Bacchus got drunk on Magic Potions." Neith answered quietly. Thanatos nodded & let her climb onto his back. Then he began to fly back to the Escape the Underworld Arena. " _Chang'e! Chang'e!_ " "What's Hou Yi shouting about?" Neith asked. "Don't know, sounds like he's shouting his wife's name." Thanatos said.

Down in Joust…

"Don't be too sad Yi, I'm sure Chang'e is some wheres." ErLang said as he patted Hou Yi's back in comfort. "ErLang! What's wrong with Yi?" Rama asked as he, Kali & Ao Kuang approached the sad archer. "I can't find Chang'e! She's completely vanished!" Hou Yi cried. "Oh my, have you asked the other Pantheons?" Kali asked. "Yes, they haven't seen her since last night! I can't even find Ja'de!" Hou Yi cried. "He's been like this since this morning." ErLang said. "Would you like us to help you search?" Rama asked. "Please do! Oh I can't be played without knowing where Chang'e is!" Hou Yi sobbed. "I'll check Seige, Kali you & Rama search Conquest. Don't worry Hou Yi, we'll find her." Ao Kuang said reassuringly. "Yeah, think positively!" ErLang said happily. "I'll try," Hou Yi said sadly. The 3 gods split up to try to find Chang'e.

Back in the Underworld Arena…

Thanatos finally arrived at the fountain he was sleeping in. "Hey Nemi! Sorry I'm late! I brought- Hades?!" Thanatos said in shock. "He's been comforting me. What took you so long?" Nemesis asked. "That's my fault, I was over in Train- ing Map? Uh Thany _when_ did she tell you she was pregnant?" Neith asked. The reason why Neith asked was because Nemesis' stomach had swollen to look as if she was 8 months expecting. "She told me this morning..." Thanatos said. "Don't ask me how this happened! All I did was take a nap  & I woke up like this!" Nemesis said. "BTW, do you know where your mother is? I can't find her & I needed her help in a 2v2 earlier this morning." Hades asked. "Haven't seen Nox since yesterday." Nemesis said. Neith touched Nemesis's stomach & felt a hard object under her skin. "Wait, why do I feel a mass?" Neith asked. "What?" Hades asked. "Is she supposed to feel that?" Thanatos asked. "How should I know, me & Persephone never got it on." Hades sighed. "Could you guys leave for a few minutes? Her water just broke." Neith said. Thanatos gulped nervously & walked with Hades out of the fountain. "So… This is happening..." Hades said awkwardly. "Yeah… So why are you even here boss? Don't you usually hang near the Chaos Fountain in Conquest?" Thanatos asked. "Oh for the 18 thousandth time don't call me that! Besides, I was wondering if you knew where Zeus is. I got word from Chronos that he's trying to chase the other goddesses again." Hades said. "WHAT?! I thought Hel taught him to drop that?" Thanatos asked. "Apparently he forgot cause he's acting like the way he did when he first arrived. We all remember how that went down." Hades sighed sadly. "Don't remind me. For crying out loud I used to _live_ near the freak." Thanatos sighed as he face-palmed. "Hey Thany? Hades?" Neith asked. The 2 gods peeked into the fountain  & found Neith holding a large egg. Thanatos threw up onto the ground. "An egg? How-?" Hades asked. " _Hades! Hades!_ " shouted a voice. "In here Kali!" Hades answered. Kali entered the fountain. "Please don't ask Kali." Nemesis said. "Ok I won't. But have any of you seen Chang'e? She's missing & Hou Yi's devastated." Kali said. "Nope," they replied. "Aw drat! BTW, could any of you spare some blood?" Kali asked. "Whaaa?" Neith asked. "Kali you haven't craved blood ever since your rework." Thanatos said. "Yeah but I just need a little-" "No chance in Hel! Last time you drank blood, you went berserk & Shiva's not in the game yet so there would be no one to stop you." Hades said. "C'mon just one little taste..." Kali purred. Hades slapped her & Kali groaned. "Sorry guys, I don't know what came over me. I'll see you later." Kali sighed. "Kali craving blood, Nemesis giving birth to an egg, Chang'e missing, what's going on?" Neith asked. "I don't know, Nemi are you feeling alright?" Thanatos asked. "Yeah, just exhausted though." Nemesis answered. "So where can I put this egg?" Neith asked. "Uhh, on the ground?" Nemesis asked. "Wait, this seems familiar..." Hades said. "Nemi, did you see white feathers yesterday?" Thanatos asked. "Uhh, yeah. A swan followed me here." Nemesis said. "I- I think that swan was Zeus. You got it on with Zeus!" Thanatos screamed. Nemesis screamed in shock & fainted. "Thany don't you see? We need to check the other pantheons!" Hades said. "I'll come with. You think you carry us out of here?" Neith asked. "& this is when it doesn't pay to have wings. Climb on. But watch the heels this time." Thanatos groaned. The 2 gods held on tight as Thanatos flew away.

In Joust…

It was nighttime but Joust wasn't it's peaceful self. ErLang Shen was fighting Wukong & Ne Zha was facing off with Ao Kuang. "Thanatos, remain airborne. Something's not right," Hades instructed. "No kidding, ErLang shouldn't be fighting Wukong! Nemi's power doesn't weaken or lose it's effect. They'd have to ask her to rekindle the rivalry." Thanatos said. "Look! There's Chang'e! She looks sad, try to land Thanatos." Neith said. The Hand of Death rolled his eyes & gently landed in the Order Fountain where Chang'e was sitting there crying. "Chang'e, Ja'de, what's wrong?" Hades asked as he got off Thanatos's back. "It's Hou Yi. She can't find him." Ja'de said sadly. "Wait, he was looking for you- All- Day..." Thanatos said. "And yet now your showing up… I think I know where he is." Neith said. "You do? Oh where is he?!" Chang'e asked, now full of hope. "You'll have to wait until dawn. When the sun & moon are up at almost the same time." Neith said. "Huh?" Hades asked. "I see what your getting at. Your on the moon & since the sun & moon don't show up at the same time unless during an eclipse… You see what I'm getting at?" Thanatos asked. "I- Don't quite understand." Ja'de said. " _G_ _uys! Incoming!_ " ErLang shouted. Wukong was charging as a bull straight towards them. Hades almost took the hit before Thanatos punched Wukong into a wall. Wukong changed back before ErLang arrived in his normal form. "What is going on here?! BTW, thank you Thanatos." Hades asked. "Nemesis's power doesn't fade. It's permenant until you decide to become rivals again." Thanatos said. "I'm not sure, one minute I was comforting Hou Yi, the next, I want to beat Wukong again." ErLang said. "That goes double for you Ne Zha. Your rivalry with Ao has been dashed for patches." Neith said. "I know! I want to avenge my son ever since this afternoon." Ao Kuang said. "Well, look, stop fighting right now!" Hades commanded. "You have no infuence-" "Ao you forget, I have access to your son's soul. I will let you see him if you don't fight anymore!" Hades snarled. "Ok!" Ao answered. "Wow, he's good." Neith whispered. "Yeah he used to stop all sorts of issues on Mt. Olympus." Thanatos said. "I wonder what the other maps are like?" Hades asked. "Climb on- OWWWWW! I told you to watch the heels!" Thanatos groaned. He began to fly to Conquest. They soon arrived in Conquest in Solo Lane. "So, where is everyone?" Neith asked. "Not sure, Chronos! Athena!" Thanatos shouted. The 3 gods walked down the lane looking for the others. "Hey guys, I see Chronos!" Neith said. The master of time was sitting near the Speed camp. "Hi Chronos, have you seen the others?" Neith asked. "I cannot answer." Chronos answered. "Huh? I just want to know where the others are?" Neith asked. "If I answer, I would not be following my rules." Chronos said. "Wha…?" Neith asked confused. "Chronos we just need to know where the others are. Everyone's been acting weird lately." Thanatos said. "Death I cannot answer. I can only watch. Besides, you must return to your duty in carrying souls away. Now go," Chronos said. Thanatos growled angrily & almost punched Chronos in the face when Hades stopped him. "Master of Time, we only ask of your help. You don't have to do much." Hades said. "I am sorry Hades, but I can only watch, not interfere." Chronos said. "Your wife isn't going to mind- OW!" Hades said before Chronos slapped him. "Do not speak of Ananke! You have no right or will to speak of the Lady of the Fates! Now leave me or suffer her wrath!" Chronos snarled. "You _do_ know that Neith is the Weaver of Fate, just answer her question." Thanatos sighed. "I answer only to Ananke! I told you to leave me be. I can only watch! Not interfere!" Chronos snarled. Hades sighed  & walked away. Neith & Thanatos followed him. "I don't get it," Neith said. "Ya wanna skip this map & head to Seige?" Thanatos asked. "Sure," Hades shrugged. The 3 gods made their way to Seige. "AH! Why's it raining here?!" Thanatos shrieked. He crashed into the jungle near the Mana camp by the Chaos fountain. "Thanatos what happened?" Neith asked. "I'm not used to flying in rain like this. & now my wings are all muddy." Thanatos groaned. It was raining so hard it was an audible rain. (Meaning that you could hear the rain drops hitting the ground) "If it keeps raining like this, the whole map will be flooded." Hades said. "& it'll freeze! Burrr! Let's find the other gods fast." Neith said shivering. Thanatos morphed into his Archon skin LVL 20 & wrapped his wings around the 2 gods. "Ya know sometimes that skin really does pay off. Hey, there's Xba!" Neith said. The gods exited the jungle & found Xbalanque beating on Cabrakan. "Thank goodness you guys showed up! OW! Xba! Stop it!" Cabrakan growled. "Xbalanque, why are you hitting Cabrakan?" Hades asked. "He's been destroying mountains." Xbalanque said innocently. "The man hasn't done that since Season 2." Neith said. "I know! Now I just do sand castles." Cabrakan said. "Xba, keep your head calm, this is not worth it. You musn't let old wounds ruin a friendship. Besides, if you treat Caba bad now, you may need his help & he'll refuse due to this wrong." Thanatos explained. "Are you intoxicated Thany?" Xbalanque sighed. "Also, do any of you know why it's raining so hard?" Neith asked. "It's Chaac, he's crying again about his affair he & Awilix had." Xbalanque said. "You know you don't have to be so harsh about it. Where is he?" Hades asked. "He's over in Order Fountain." Cabrakan said. "Thank you, now no more fighting. Otherwise the next time you come to the Underworld, you'll end up like your brother." Hades growled. Xbalanque gulped nervously.

10 minutes later…

"Whew! This rain & mud are killing me!" Neith groaned. "It's not like I have it easy Weaver. This mud is making manuvering hard. & mine wings are soaked so I cannot fly for some time." Thanatos answered. "Thankfully, I can see Chaac from here. Come on you 2, we can make it." Hades said. The 3 gods soon arrived to find Chaac crying his eyes out. "Chaac, what be the problem?" Thanatos asked. "I just remembered my affair I had with Awilix! I was an idiot! I was the pig! I was the donkey!" Chaac cried. "Well, could you maybe stop this rain? It's hard to navigate this place." Neith asked. "I cannot! For my sadness causes the rain." Chaac said. "C'mon Chaac! Your a fun guy to play-" "Please, belay your happy words Neith." Chaac sighed. "Think we should make haste?" Thanatos whispered. "Yeah, besides, I think I know what's wrong." Hades said. "Come Weaver," Thanatos said. Neith sighed sadly & followed them out of Seige.

In Training map… About 30 minutes later…

"Whew! At least we got out of that. So what do you think is wrong Hades?" Neith asked as she wrung the water out of her hair. "Well, logic dictates that they're following their lore." Hades, in his Grim Wraith skin said. "How so?" Neith asked. "Well, it turns out, a while back Nemesis supposedly got with Zeus & laid an egg containing Helen of Troy." Thanatos said while in his recolor skin. "And as for Hou Yi & Chang'e, they are both the sun & moon. So they can't truly see one another. That's why Hou Yi vanished & Chang'e showed up yet she did the same." Hades explained. "Oh I get it! So they're following what happened in their legends. But why aren't me or Thany effected?" Neith asked. "Well, not to be mean but Thanatos barely shows up in mythology. His only major myth is when Sisyphus tied him up. Other than that, Thany is barely mentioned. Referenced, yet not mentioned." Hades said. "Well, that explains these chains on the ground. But what about Neith?" Thanatos asked. "Do you have any major legends or myths about you?" Hades asked. "Well, the thing is I've got a confusing history. Some say I'm Ra & Sobek's mother. The first goddess; then they say that I wove fate, then they say I was a goddess of the hunt. So I don't really have a solid myth about me like you & Hades." Neith said. "So that's why you 2 are barely effected. We need to find the perpetrator of this otherwise old rivalries will be renewed." Hades said. "I smell a horse." Thanatos said. "Chiron!" Hades & Neith said. "Wait that wouldn't make much sense though. He's dead," Neith said. "Well… Let me check the roster. Aha! Medusa is missing. I think I know who's doing this. Thanatos, take us to Conquest." Hades instructed. The 2 gods got on the Hand of Death's back & he flew them to Conquest.

In Conquest…

Thanatos landed in middle lane. "So why are we here?" Neith asked as she got off Thany's back. "The perpetrator is here. Follow me," Hades said. The 3 walked down middle lane. "Hey Neith you seem pretty quiet back- Neith? Neith?" Thanatos asked. "Thany! Psst! Over here!" Neith whispered. "Neith! Why are you hiding behind the Damage camp?" Thanatos asked. "Well, you've seen me in mythology right?" Neith asked. "What?" Thanatos asked. "You know, my mythological depiction?" Neith asked. "Uhh, I've never seen- That explains a lot." Thanatos said. "Well my straps snapped somehow. That's why I'm hiding!" Neith whispered. "Well, I've got an idea." Thanatos said. He morphed into his Archon skin & ripped a scrap from his robe. "This should suffice for now. Is that too tight Weaver?" Thanatos asked. "No, thanks man- Drat!" Neith groaned as it snapped & fell off. "Sorry Neith, I thought that would help." Thanatos said as he morphed to normal. "Whoever did this to everyone is so gonna pay!" Neith growled. "Hey, hey calm your nerves. Since your regressing back to your depiction, would piggy backing me help us get there?" Thanatos asked. "Uhh, if you don't mind…." Neith said. "Go ahead, I'll just try to make like this never happened." Thanatos groaned. Neith climbed onto his back & he flew back to Hades' position which was currently near the middle phoenix. "Where were you 2? & why are you on his back?" Hades asked. "Well…." Neith said with an embarrassed blush on her face. "Her cows are out the barn," Thanatos said. "Huh?" Hades asked. "The girls are free." Neith said. "Can you 2 speak english?" Hades asked. "Her straps broke so now- OW! One more slap from you & I'll let half the map see this!" Thanatos snarled. "Ohh, that explains the- Yeah. Well, there's the perpetrator." Hades said. "ATHENA?!" Thanatos & Neith shouted. "Why would you do this?" Neith asked. "I just thought Smite would be better if we followed our lore better. Besides, Medusa has been bugging me recently so I-" "So you made everyone stick to their lore knowing that Medusa would be dead. For a goddess of wisdom, your dumber than a box of crayons!" Thanatos shouted. "Wha…?" Athena asked shocked. "Because of you I'm half naked, Nemesis & Zeus got it on, Chang'e & Hou Yi can't see each other, half the rivalries in Smite are going hay wires-" "Oh Neith calm down. Your barely effected." Athena said calmly. Neith got a death look on her face. "Would you mind changing everyone back to normal?" Hades asked. "Sorry but no, I-" Then Thanatos tackled her & began to beat her face in. Neith hid behind Hades & watched. "So you want to change everyone back now?!" Thanatos snarled. "No I-" Thanatos punched her harder & in more sensitive places. "Now?!" Thanatos snarled. "OK! Ok! I'll change everyone back!" Athena cried. She typed in a code & a massive shockwave erupted. ErLang & Wukong stopped fighting, Chang'e & Hou Yi found each other, Neith's straps returned to normal, Chaac stopped crying, Zeus stopped chasing the other goddesses, everything regressed back to normal. "Now, unless you want to end up like Nemesis, DON'T do this again!" Thanatos snarled. Athena nodded her head rapidly & dashed away. "Well it's a good thing that's over with. Thank you for your help, both of you." Hades said. "No problem I hope I didn't traumatize you Thany." Neith said with an embarrassed blush on her face. "Well remember I used to live near Zeus so..." Thanatos said. "Oh, also you can have 2 days off." Hades said. "Thanks bo- Hades."


End file.
